I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
My vagina is very pro this idea
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