am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
Did you just see the Batmobile???
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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