Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
How does it feel to date your dad?
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Randomize
