I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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