the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Randomize
