sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
