I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
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