Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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