I hate all girls vehemently.
He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
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