i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
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