There is a new fb quiz: "are you at ypical woman, future ex or from crazy town" - should i take it?
Aren't all three of those the same though?
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
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