I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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