I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Randomize
