hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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