Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
