saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Randomize
