I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
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