I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Randomize
