I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
Randomize
