I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
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