I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
