i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
