Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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