highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
Randomize