I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
