I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
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