Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
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