Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
Randomize
