Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
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