so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
