dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Randomize
