You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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