I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
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