i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
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