I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
