It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
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