This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
Randomize
