i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
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