oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
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