I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
