hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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