I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize
