boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Randomize
