Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
