got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
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