I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
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