My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
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