turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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