i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
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