hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
Randomize
