I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
