11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Randomize
